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All 24 game Reviews


Dark Quiz 1 Dark Quiz 1

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Uhhh...

Quiz games have had their day. That day has passed and should be remembered with as little reminiscence as possible.

The point of a porn game is to get off, and the entire premise of this game prevents that: you are shown a picture for six seconds and then asked several questions as a test of memory. No time to even whip it out, let alone crank one out. Presumably if you beat the game you get a gallery slideshow or some fantastic video, but I did not have the patience for that.

Where to start? The images. Obviously traced over sub-par erotica, I don't know why it was necessary to trace when the pictures could have just been put in there. Some of the pictures, like the second one with a man loosing his pearly spooge all over a girl's face, had little details that didn't translate well from photo to traced image. Her eyelashes made her eyes look insane, and the spunk look extraterrestrial.

A strange set of buttons on the top left continued to frustrate me as they had no explanation and no apparent function. The "1", "2", and dot didn't seem to do anything at all when pressed.

The questions were badly written, sometimes with amusing results. One of the questions for fourth image, depicting two naked women on an overstuffed green couch, asked what they were lying on. The correct answer was misspelled, reading "a coach". If indeed they had been lying on a coach, it would have been a creepy threesome instead of lesbian erotica.

The most frustrating part, however, must have been that after a wrong answer, the entire game restarted. I mean, I got those answers right before, why am I being asked them ALL over again? I don't have the patience, man! I want PORN!

All in all this game fails to deliver, and leaves one with a disappointed little general who must now surf on over to a real porn website, and pick up an XBox controller for a real game.


People find this review helpful!
Admiral-R responds:

OK
There is a little explanation:

You obviously played the game deaf/soundless. The "1","2" and "dot" buttons didn't do anything because they were set to play/stop musics.

The pictures were traced over some in most of the case, then modified added/removed parts and elements, etc. In engineering, copyrights are gone after 15% diffrences between machines, even Pepsi won it that way over Coca Cola. I'm pretty sure it applies somehow to this too.

For the little mistakes of spelling I'll correct them in a nearly future. I speak french and I miss-spell english words sometimes. I bet even my review is crowded with them. By the way some of the spellings were intentionally wrong and were part of the little humour I've put in the questions, such as "what is a tied".

I understand that it's not interesting to restart from beginning after a failed answer. I'm thinking of another system for when I release the second quiz. On the other hand, the questions weren't much hard ether.

Thanks for that complete review. It is really appreciated.
AdmiraL-R


Ninja Guiji Ninja Guiji

Rated 1 / 5 stars

"Splinter Cell" or "Metal Gear" this aint.

Uninspired in every way, this game falls completely, completely flat.

In an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of sneak-and-shoot games like Metal Gear Solid, Splinter Cell, and Castle Wolfenstein, this game is a top-down ninja-inspired piece of fetid dingo's kidneys.

The author thought it would be sage to simplify the controls of the game to make it more accesible to the player - a piece of advice taken well by Halo engineers, but not by Fable designers.

The result, however, was that the gameplay was crap. Attacking an enemy is done automatically, defined by proximity, and the mode of death is random. In order to engage in actual combat with an enemy the player had to be literally directly in front of the enemy for an extended period of time. With all the random- and unanimated- movements of the samurai, this is nearly impossible. Avoiding detection is ridiculously easy, as the enemies in this game make Koopa Troopas look like Sir Henry Clinton.

The combat engine was so simplistic that it was far more annoying than fun. Even now, after having beaten the game, I still don't know if the combat was turn-based or not - it all seemed confusing and random.

All in all the game plays like an idiot's wet dream. It requires zero skill, but is extremely violent. Anyone with any love for videogames should avoid this game or else it might just wound your soul.


GUIJI responds:

If you had any kind of autority in anything you do in your real life, you wouldn't need to play this little '' hard critic '' role of yours. It is an evidence.

Thanks for playing my game


Roflcopter Roflcopter

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Poop.

The author admits it: it's a "Helicopter Game" clone.

And all it is is the Helicopter Game but with crappier physics.

PS there's already a game called roflcopter, which I played at Andkon.com, like, three years ago. At least google the name you wanna give a game before submitting it.

Zero out of ten for style, and even less for originality.

At least, however, you managed to program something. Three stars for that.



Newgrounds in a Box Newgrounds in a Box

Rated 4 / 5 stars

AMAZING

This is a GREAT feat for all Flash programming, and the ingenuity of the program is evident in all aspects of it.

"Newgrounds in a Box" combines all the most important aspects of the average Newgrounds user's online experience and focuses it into one easily navigable interface.

This is NOT A GAME! It is a standalone program meant to more easily streamline the online experience.

It does have limitations. The usernews (as I like to call it) is missing, and the Forum is not accessible. Overall, however, it is superb and very high quality.

Perhaps a suggestion could be made to the author to create software capable of access any RSS feed, making it completely customizable for the user.

The author of this program has earned MADD PROPPZ!

(MADD PROPPZ © Bijhan Al-Attack)



Captain Jack Adventure! Captain Jack Adventure!

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Quite Good!

This game is a take on the aeronautic games like "194X", but with a nautical twist.

Now, using the name "Captain Jack" is, as always, totally disingenuous. We all know what Pirate franchise you're alluding to - and are not a part of.

The text in the game is also painfully badly written, to the point where I hope the artist is a non-native English speaker.

However, the graphics are spectacular, the water effects breathtaking. The gameplay is intuitive and creative; the movement of the ship is neither simple nor difficult.

While this is perhaps the best possible game of the genre, it has limitations and certain pitfalls that can frustrate lower-level players.

Overall this is a good, solid game and worthy of attention.



Disco Balls Disco Balls

Rated 2 / 5 stars

Yeargh

Odd and interesting concept.

Conceivably fun gameplay.

This, however, was extremely poorly executed.

Essentially this game handles like "Asteroids" and its many clones, the difference being that it is a "change the color" game with a vs/time trial twist, rather than a puzzler. An added dimension of character selection driven by statistics seemed to be a logical choice.

The result is, however, just a weird game with a weird premise and sloppy handling.

In the words of Zaphod Beeblebrox: "Ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking."


jackcole responds:

I'm trying to respond to some of these comments, but a lot of them are the same or similar so I'm not hitting every one.

Asteroids actually never came to mind when I was working on this. It all came together kind of by accident. I was originally working on an engine to handle grid-type puzzle and board games when my son was flipping channels and stayed on reruns of American Gladiator on ESPN Classic... specifically during the event where 4 guys get into these giant round cages and roll them around trying to avoid or hit each other.

The controls seem to be a love/hate thing. I've just uploaded an update with some slight tweaks to the control and I will be working on a version with an alternate control scheme. Other than the control issues, is there anything specific you think should be changed?


James The Circus Zebra James The Circus Zebra

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Par is still Par... I guess...

James the Zebra - the first one was a weird idea with odd and unique gameplay.

Super Smash Brothers - the team that brought us the wonderfully snarky satire "Zelda: Lampshade" and the beautifully crafted Wink series.

But four James the Zebra games and about seven months later we have James in a circus with uninspired - but well designed - obstacles/platforms collecting more.

It's alright. Nothing more, nothing less. Overall it's...

MEH



The Last Stand. The Last Stand.

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

The Best of Its Class

Perhaps the best possible flash zombie game one could ever make.

A classic premise that has been ingeniously crafted by many and butchered by many many more sees its best in this game.

The old favorite, castle defense games, makes you care when a character is at stake. A narrative and character development are available in a well-written diary available between turns. Resource management - in the form of so many hours of daylight - is key for finding new weapons or survivors to help you stave off the oncoming hordes.

The hordes themselves are well variabled so as to avoid seeing the same old zombies over and over again. Of course some common shapes begin to look familiar, but its not that bad.

While this game does have one or two frustrating control limitations and some movement problems, this game has overall never been topped by any game in the same genre. For that it deserves...

MADD PROPPZ!!

(madd proppz © Bijhan Al-Attack. If your game has gotten madd proppz, you may boast about this for the rest of your natural life.)


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Goblins Heart Goblins Heart

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Pretty Good

Main complaint: turning around was neigh impossible.



Nephi's Adventure Nephi's Adventure

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Huh

I always assumed they were Mexican from their dress and appearance. Not until this game did I realize they were supposed to be Jewish. Go figure.


BoMToons responds:

Ha, you're welcome to think they're whatever race you please...but they were supposed to be olden-days Jewish...if not a little dark in complexion.