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Recent Movie Reviews


:: Hot Enough For Ya? :: :: Hot Enough For Ya? ::

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Quite Good

In classic style, everyones favorite (or LEAST favorite) squirrel provides us with more rantings about the pedestrian life.

What's wrong with Foamy? Nothing coming out of this series has actually been new or inspired since the first one.

What's right with Foamy? Why fix it if it aint broke!? This shit is still funny due to the implacable nature of the character and the reality of his rants. Keep makin' 'em just the same, because that's what we want.



Sonic Cosmic vs SSW 2 Sonic Cosmic vs SSW 2

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

... Where's Sonic? And who are those sprites?

I've played and beaten every Sonic game for the Sega Genesis ever released - yes even Flickies Island and Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. And this... doesn't seem to have anything to do with any of them except that all of the characters are re-painted sprites from those games.

I'm not familiar with either title - Cosmic or SSW2 - and assume they're titles of flash serials.

Here's my breakdown review: The idea of a deathmatch tournament hasn't been new OR exciting since Dragonball came out in the 80s. This is hindered by the fact that there is no character development, meaning I don't really care about the outcomes of the battles.

The few characters that even dialogue have hackneyed archetypical anime lines that make little sense. All of the characters struck me as stereotypes. Two - a male and female hedgehog - are the stereotypical he-man and you-think-I'm-weak-but-I'll-show-you-
even-though-I'm-still-sweet girl. Another two unrelated characters simply seemed depressed and irritable without any real cause.

The dialogue was shoddy to say the least. Some real gems like this caught my attention:

"I'll go as far as I think I need to stop. The guy I'm fighting doesn't look so tough... and hey.. if you stay here with me."

I believe all native English speakers will balk at this. The author seems to have trouble with periods, using them often where commas would go and creating fragments and incomplete sentences galore. This really detracts from the watchability.

Finally we come to the actual combat.

The first fight scene was... confusing. There didn't seem to be any laws of physics, and the scenes kept changing randomly. And I have no idea where the bucket of acid came from nor what it actually DID. The powers exhibited by the characters weren't consistent nor did they really interest me.

The second fight was admitted by the author to be crap. I can't attack it - he admitted it! It wasn't bad, at least it made sense, but it wasn't great.

The third fight was INTERESTING! Honestly, the characters had powers and weaponry that has not been overdone in this genre, and played off of each other in interesting ways. The winner of the battle was a character who could shrink. A good idea. But I have to admit I liked it better the first time when he was called Ant Man.

Or Micromax.

Or Goliath.

Or the Wasp.

You know.

Overall, the writing and story killed this animation. Good ideas and a medium level of flash skill were overwhelmed by a completely underwhelming plot and slipshod dialogue.


People find this review helpful!
Arnas responds:

"I'll go as far as I think I need to stop. The guy I'm fighting doesn't look so tough... and hey.. if you stay here with me."

That's not exactly what he said.

If you're wondering why there was random stuff going on in the battle. It's because it was a nightmare and nightmares are unexplainable, distorted and weird.

I never watched DBZ so I don't know anything. You should see my other episodes to see why the characters are depressed or the way they are. I'm sure many people who catch up with my flashes already know that. The reason I am making the not-so-new thing such as a tournament. It's because it's simply a battle between two series and I know that a lot of people like tournaments as well.

Cheers for the review though


Sci-Fi Guys 7 Sci-Fi Guys 7

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Zoinks

Fairly good submission, and it wasn't just a straightforward linear construct, it had good play and re-playability.

To the previous reviewer, yes the fourth dimension is time, but no we are not four dimensional creatures because we do not have the ability to change place in time - ie go to the past as easily as we go down the street, or go to the future like we climb stairs.


Recent Game Reviews


Dark Quiz 1 Dark Quiz 1

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Uhhh...

Quiz games have had their day. That day has passed and should be remembered with as little reminiscence as possible.

The point of a porn game is to get off, and the entire premise of this game prevents that: you are shown a picture for six seconds and then asked several questions as a test of memory. No time to even whip it out, let alone crank one out. Presumably if you beat the game you get a gallery slideshow or some fantastic video, but I did not have the patience for that.

Where to start? The images. Obviously traced over sub-par erotica, I don't know why it was necessary to trace when the pictures could have just been put in there. Some of the pictures, like the second one with a man loosing his pearly spooge all over a girl's face, had little details that didn't translate well from photo to traced image. Her eyelashes made her eyes look insane, and the spunk look extraterrestrial.

A strange set of buttons on the top left continued to frustrate me as they had no explanation and no apparent function. The "1", "2", and dot didn't seem to do anything at all when pressed.

The questions were badly written, sometimes with amusing results. One of the questions for fourth image, depicting two naked women on an overstuffed green couch, asked what they were lying on. The correct answer was misspelled, reading "a coach". If indeed they had been lying on a coach, it would have been a creepy threesome instead of lesbian erotica.

The most frustrating part, however, must have been that after a wrong answer, the entire game restarted. I mean, I got those answers right before, why am I being asked them ALL over again? I don't have the patience, man! I want PORN!

All in all this game fails to deliver, and leaves one with a disappointed little general who must now surf on over to a real porn website, and pick up an XBox controller for a real game.


People find this review helpful!
Admiral-R responds:

OK
There is a little explanation:

You obviously played the game deaf/soundless. The "1","2" and "dot" buttons didn't do anything because they were set to play/stop musics.

The pictures were traced over some in most of the case, then modified added/removed parts and elements, etc. In engineering, copyrights are gone after 15% diffrences between machines, even Pepsi won it that way over Coca Cola. I'm pretty sure it applies somehow to this too.

For the little mistakes of spelling I'll correct them in a nearly future. I speak french and I miss-spell english words sometimes. I bet even my review is crowded with them. By the way some of the spellings were intentionally wrong and were part of the little humour I've put in the questions, such as "what is a tied".

I understand that it's not interesting to restart from beginning after a failed answer. I'm thinking of another system for when I release the second quiz. On the other hand, the questions weren't much hard ether.

Thanks for that complete review. It is really appreciated.
AdmiraL-R


Ninja Guiji Ninja Guiji

Rated 1 / 5 stars

"Splinter Cell" or "Metal Gear" this aint.

Uninspired in every way, this game falls completely, completely flat.

In an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of sneak-and-shoot games like Metal Gear Solid, Splinter Cell, and Castle Wolfenstein, this game is a top-down ninja-inspired piece of fetid dingo's kidneys.

The author thought it would be sage to simplify the controls of the game to make it more accesible to the player - a piece of advice taken well by Halo engineers, but not by Fable designers.

The result, however, was that the gameplay was crap. Attacking an enemy is done automatically, defined by proximity, and the mode of death is random. In order to engage in actual combat with an enemy the player had to be literally directly in front of the enemy for an extended period of time. With all the random- and unanimated- movements of the samurai, this is nearly impossible. Avoiding detection is ridiculously easy, as the enemies in this game make Koopa Troopas look like Sir Henry Clinton.

The combat engine was so simplistic that it was far more annoying than fun. Even now, after having beaten the game, I still don't know if the combat was turn-based or not - it all seemed confusing and random.

All in all the game plays like an idiot's wet dream. It requires zero skill, but is extremely violent. Anyone with any love for videogames should avoid this game or else it might just wound your soul.


GUIJI responds:

If you had any kind of autority in anything you do in your real life, you wouldn't need to play this little '' hard critic '' role of yours. It is an evidence.

Thanks for playing my game


Roflcopter Roflcopter

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Poop.

The author admits it: it's a "Helicopter Game" clone.

And all it is is the Helicopter Game but with crappier physics.

PS there's already a game called roflcopter, which I played at Andkon.com, like, three years ago. At least google the name you wanna give a game before submitting it.

Zero out of ten for style, and even less for originality.

At least, however, you managed to program something. Three stars for that.


Recent Audio Reviews


Just Like You Just Like You

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Good start...

But I just kept waiting for a lead to come in eventually. Come on, man, where is the lead in this song? You need some kind of driving line. Seriously consider adding either a Korg Poly Six or a Tele with delay.

PS you suck at singing. =P stick to guitar.



Audio Orgasm Audio Orgasm

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Decent loop

But one of the guitars is out of tune, and several times there are slip-ups on hitting the right beat.



The Conspiracy The Conspiracy

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

The next Mark Mothersbaugh

It's like General Boy has been summed up in a song. Not even the Mothersbaugh brothers could come up with something this fucked up.


SpinTolk responds:

I think it turned out ok though. But back then I wasn't really good at FL. I can't say I am good now, but at least I improved compared to then.